How My Love Of Dogs Will Get Me Arrested.

I have a really cute dog that is basically the fourth child in my family. She is very needy and reminds me of a toddler. Because of my affection and over protectiveness for this big brown-eyed Cocker Spaniel,

I find myself also feeling overprotective of other dogs. We never let Kelsey…(That’s her name. It starts with a K because the kids in my family are Kevin, Karla and Krista. Not confusing at all.)…anyway, we never let her out without a leash, because she lacks all common sense. She runs after Chipmunks and thinks they magically disappear when they climb up trees and she enigmatically prances around the woods in confusion. She attacks the vacuum and any other moving object such as remote control toy cars and boats. She barks furiously at other dogs (especially little white ones because she is racist) until they retaliate and she hides behind our legs. She is clumsy and falls off our dock into the lake and runs into the glass door behind the screen door when we let her in. One time, when investigating the smells underneath the family cottage, she came trotting out proudly with a giant porcupine needle sticking out of her nose. She is also extremely anxious and needy and cries whenever we leave her alone. That is why I feel concerned and confused when I see dogs off their leashes and wandering around by themselves.

Sometimes when I am driving, I’ll see a dog cross the road, or walking down a sidewalk and think: “if Kelsey were doing that, it would mean she was lost and I would want someone to stop and save her before she wandered off a cliff or tried to attack a car.” I then proceed to pull over and gently coax the dog toward me so I can be a hero and save the dog from evil transformer cars and it wouldn’t have to travel over mountains and go over waterfalls like the animals did in Homeward Bound. (Oh, Shadow…) I have done this more than a few times. And without fail, every single time the dog is not actually lost, but wandering near the house it lives in. And I look like a fool. One of those times my sister shared in my shame:

We saw a dog walking along the sidewalk and my sister said, “I think I saw a lost dog poster that had a picture that looked like that dog.” We stopped the car and started chasing the dog around so we could see it’s collar. It looked like this:

Then the owner came out, calling for the dog. He saw this:

Needless to say, we stopped chasing the dog, got back in the car, and drove away looking like evil dog bandits. Or the twins from The Shining. And that is probably how I will eventually get arrested.

The End.